Life is Hard....... with update

Update:  Surgery will be Friday at 2:30 pm.

I may share another post I wrote and saved but another day when it's not too hard to see.  Tomorrow morning at 7:30 am I go for a pre-op for my third D & C.  This is my 4th miscarriage since having my beautiful children.  We weren't trying to get pregnant this time but were so excited when we actually saw a heartbeat a couple weeks ago. Then I got really, really sick (usually a good sign) and ended up in the ER for dehydration.  I saw my doctor the next day and that's when we didn't see a heartbeat.  I had it confirmed yesterday (Tuesday) and I will find out in the morning if they were able to schedule it for tomorrow, otherwise it will most likely be Friday.

The teacher I am supposed to sub for had her baby this week and I'm already behind on taking care of her class.  A lot of people are depending on me and I'm ready to get there and have the distraction.  I know many of you are asking why we would keep putting ourselves through this "hell" and to be honest, I have no idea why except we weren't trying this time.  My doctor wants to do a lot of testing because I am now in a 'rare' category and have a very small chance of ever holding onto a pregnancy.

I didn't plan on even telling you guys or putting it out there but most of you are family and if you didn't care you wouldn't be reading my blog so you deserve to know where we are and why the last month has been hard.  I'm terrible at keeping secrets. 

While I was typing this Grace came in the room and asked, "Mom, do you know who IS strong enough?"  I asked who?  She said, "God!"  I love her and her innocence and the fact that she said that just when I needed to hear it.

The kids don't know what is going on.  We chose to wait to tell them, just in case.  I'm so glad we did because they would have been devastated.  For now, I just have doctor appointments and blood work.  No big deal.  They have doctor appointments also and they don't know how many times I've gone.  They are usually with friends and are excited to be left there to play without any explanation. 

Well, I've probably done enough damage here.  Life is hard, but God is in control of this and we will continue to praise Him in this storm just as we have in all the rest.  Thank you for your love and support.