Not

I'm just NOT feeling it today. I made a few snacks for David and his dad and sat for a while watching the game but I'm just not feeling it. We went to church today and ran into a couple girls that didn't know about my miscarriage so I had to tell them. Then we went to Target and I looked for shirts for the kids and tried to ignore the baby stuff. When we were at the check out the girl was talking about how she was pregnant with a boy and liked that she worked there and could get ideas for when her little one got older. I bought play doh valentines and she thought it was clever. I was nice and smiled but it stung. She doesn't know what just happened. I remember being in the place she is now, pregnant for the first time and is so excited she wants everyone to know. I kind of feel guilty for not saying congratulations but it just wouldn't come out of my mouth. I don't feel that way. I think it's great for her and I want to be happy for people but I'm just NOT feeling it. I can't stay home forever just b/c I don't want to see someone pregnant or deal with life in general. Overall I'm doing really well. It's all the small things. There's a book that says 'don't sweat the small things' but in this case I can't get away from the small things......they are everywhere. Do you know how many girls are pregnant? The majority. I never noticed before but they are everywhere. Do they realize how incredibly blessed they are? I never did. I took it for granted. I think that's completely normal b/c the 'worst' hasn't happened to us. I told my friend Leigh on the phone yesterday that I just never thought it would happen to me and I feel so blessed to have my kids. It changes your way of thinking. Leigh has also had 2 miscarriages but has been blessed with identical twins. You may remember me talking about her and her high risk pregnancy. They are all doing well and in fact just moved to Baltimore and woke up to a ton of snow yesterday. She has been a big part of dealing with these miscarriages since she has been there. We both deal with it differently and I think it really helps. She helps me to dig down and get out some emotions. We had a great talk yesterday and I wish she was still here so we could get together again and talk about it in person. We didn't get to see each other much since we lived about an hour apart. It's surprising that I have a friend that has gone through the exact same thing but I know that God placed us in each other's lives for a reason. She was originally from Michigan and I'm from Illinois and we ended up teaching in the same school in Cali. Coincidence? We may never know the reason that this happened to each of us (although her getting those precious twins would be good enough for me) but I know that God will use this for good. I just have to look for the good and keep my eyes forward.