Memorial Service

I am documenting this for my family in case I ever make a book of my blog.  Or I may just print it out and keep for myself along with the other posts I have written regarding my miscarriages.  Feel free to read on if you want.

Today I attended an infant memorial service that the hospital hosts for all the babies lost through miscarriage, stillbirth, or any other reason.  I had 7 friends from church go with me to support me which meant a lot to me.  I didn't really want to go and haven't for any of my other miscarriages but I felt like I needed the closure this time.  I wish that David could have gone with me but it doesn't affect him in the same way.  There were 7 or 8 other moms that attended the service also.  The service is held at a Memorial Park and Mortuary.  It was a beautiful setting with a small pond that had ducks in it and a waterfall beyond the pond.  It was a very relaxing place to be and I wish I had pictures of the area.  The waterfall is where I focused most of the time.  It was very calming.  The verse on the front of the program is "I will never forget you.  I have carved you on the palm of my hand."  Isaiah 49.  The service was about 45 minutes and they had a nice welcome, opening prayer, scripture reading and a song before they named the babies and had a rose offering.  Obviously we didn't have a name but some of the babies did. Ours was Baby Noland.  Many of them (like mine)were lost too early to name.  We stood as our name was called and they gave us each a rose.  The songs were hard to listen to and now it is all kind of a blur.  The 2 songs in English were "Precious Child" and "To Where You Are."  There was another song in spanish and I looked at my friend next to me and said thankfully it is because I can't handle another song right now.  The final song was "Tears in Heaven" by Eric Clapton.  It is very surreal to be sitting in that kind of place and deal with what happened after it has kind of been pushed under the rug and pretty much forgotten by everyone else except me (and the girls that were with me).  Oh, I forgot that as we signed in  by giving them our baby's name, we also signed a quilt with the name and the date of the loss.  Honestly the whole thing just felt weird to me.  I guess because this isn't the first time and I have lost track of all the dates of my losses.  I just wanted to forget them and when they told me to write the date I couldn't remember so I had to write the day of my d & c instead.  How terrible is that?  I am going to write them all down somewhere just to have for me and stick it in my wallet.  I have it all in a journal but I just don't like to remember the dates.  I know most of my due dates and the month and year of the loss but not the exact day.

Anyway, back to the service.  They handed out a bookmark with the verse from Isaiah 49 on it and also a Prayer for Women Who Have Miscarried.  The prayer is:
Most loving God,
losing a child is devastating.
Bless all women,
who have had a miscarriage.
Comfort them in their loss.
Give them hope.
Bless them with an abundance of love
that as their bodies heal,
so too may their hearts.
Give them the courage to face each new day
in the confidence of your love;
in the name of Jesus Christ we pray. Amen.

They also handed out a paper about coping with the emotional aspects of pregnancy loss.  I may share some of that on here some day.  It has a lot of things that may be helpful in case you ever know someone else that goes through something like this.  They don't really want anyone to make it better, just remember and listen.  I think the hardest thing is when everyone else forgets or is afraid to talk about it.  People have never stopped sending me baby shower invitations or sharing the joy of a new baby, I just guard myself a little more.  I don't go to very many baby showers.  I usually don't know if I'm going to make it until the day of or the day before and go shopping at the last minute or make something.  It's easier that way because I don't worry about it for a week before.  I just make the decision and go or just stay home.  I have some great friends that are completely understanding and I have only missed a few and most of them were right after a loss.  I give myself time to visit someone after having a baby and haven't gone to the hospital to visit anyone.  I go when I feel ready.  There is more but I will save it for another post.

The last part of the service was the burial of the ashes of all the babies.  They have a special place that the mortuary has donated to the hospital.  All the babies are cremated and buried together. 

I know this was long (if you even made it this far).  I wish it was more exciting to read.